Why I started writing

 I'm just a normal girl. So why should I write this? 

Who would be interested in reading it? 

Why would it help anyone? 

Well, I have had this on a draft for a while, but I realised how small my fear of being judged really is. 

I'm only 21, left home as soon as I turned 18, and don't get me wrong, I have a beautiful family. They have never said no to me, never made me feel like I was asking for too much. I never had financial issues, and I never had to think about people I couldn't talk to. Yet somehow in the middle of all of that, I still felt different, didn't fit in anywhere. Felt like I was never doing enough, felt like I was meant for more. 

It could be the consequence of my moving around so much. I've lived in three countries and seven different cities, changed six schools, and have had to learn five languages. And I loved it, for the most part. 

There are also things about me that I do not like. I'm a hopeless romantic in a world full of "casuals" Gen Z. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get myself to care less for people, and I never understood why being nonchalant and careless is so highly rated nowadays. 

"Don't have expectations, and you won't get hurt," they said. 

"Learn to be at peace by yourself ", heard this way too many times.  

But why? I always asked myself. What's so bad about caring and showing that I care? What's so bad about expecting things from people whom I love? 

That's what makes us human. 

Yet somehow I never fit into my generation. 

Where people "care" about too many and not too deeply. They "care" about meaningless validation from strangers. They "care" about hookups and not love. They "care" about situationships and not loyalty. 

And that is why I am here. 

Writing, online with a faceless blog. 

Because honestly, it doesn't matter who is reading this. It doesn't even matter if nobody is. 

I am here for myself. So I don't lose this. So I can remind myself that maybe somewhere in the 8 billion of us, there might be a few who still care about meaningful things. 

And to remind me to always follow my heart.